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Buffy

Strength is realizing you can break up with your depression. It means realizing you beat depression by taking care of yourself. This is exhausting. Every step is exhausting. You are on meds. You work out. You cook at home. You try and try and try not to hate yourself.
You start to slip. You stop exercising. You start going out to eat. Isolating. Giving up. It becomes this unbearable weight. But a part of you is still lit up by the small things in life like calabrese salad and friends and other people's joy. That part fights. And you take every single painful step forward. You get up. You get up every single day. You get up. You get up evety single day. You start to get energy. You start to exercise. You compare yourself to everyone. You still think you have no story, no skills. It doesn't make sense. You keep going. You start to like it. You start to like taking care of yourself. You realize you actually can agree with that sign above the office door that says "I enjoy my life". You keep going. One day you start to like yourself. You start to be proud of yourself. You realize that you love yourself. Congratulations. You did it. Everything makes sense now. You're standing at the top of a hill and you see the mountain you were climbing the whole time. Recovery is possible. It happened to me.

It means not hiding out, waiting for your depression to come back every year. It means realizing that it might come back. All the doubt and self destruction.

It means realizing that it wouldn't matter. You are Buffy the Vampire slayer. You are powerful. You want in on life.

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