Stef's Place of Wellbeing

The first few days actually I was able to do it, to get up at 6:30. Then, it turned into 6:15. Soon it was 7:20 and being late for work. I went on the slow decline. I spent more and more time on my couch, more and more time in my house, and I felt worse and worse. I was stuck in this cycle of not being able to take care of myself and being too tired to add anything to my plate. So, for the last weekend I stayed in my house on the couch all day long and even ordered groceries delivered. Maybe to the outsider this could sound glorious. I was too sad to enjoy it. What I realized today as I was brooding about I really don't like phrases like - you choose your own thoughts - because then I feel like it's my fault I am depressed. Which I know isn't true, but it sure feels like it's my fault. When I start thinking about being at fault, it's really like moving a giant rock in my own path. It makes it laborious to get out of that sort of thinking. Then I feel really st...

The perfect version of me gets up at 5am by the way. When I visualize the kind of person I want to be, I am getting up at 5am. Take that as you want. The reason for it though, is because I need to create in my life. I need it the way I need to eat or sleep or exercise. If I cannot create, I feel this immense sadness. So, I took the last few weeks to go through different wellbeing books and they all speak of the same thing: Have good morning habits. Getting up at 5am to do creative work before anyone else gets up. Taking in the secrets of the sunrise. Doing something, simply for yourself, simply for the joy of it. And, I realized that I don't have a lot of joy in my life. I have things I love and I have joyful moments. Many people have hobbies but my hobbies get pushed aside so often. I clean the house, cook some food, or go on Instagram before I sit down at the computer and write. What gives me joy? Writing. Writing poetry, stories, prose, or writing to my imaginary c...

In Italian, "Non te prendre stressare" means literally, "do not take the stress." They literally don't take it. Everyone has conflict. Some people have them verses another person, others have them versus the environment, and the third is them against themselves. I'm working on it. Meditation helps. Constantly checking in with myself and choosing what I want and not I think someone expects me to be helps. T he Mountain  is the meditation I love right now. Carving out more time for my activities helps me add more joy in my life. Being envious doesn't sit well with me. I don't like when I see other people do it and I don't like the way it feels. But, by pretending it doesn't exist, it turns into a bad feeling of resentment. So, I have been working on envy. Working on recognizing it in myself and not judging myself for it. You have to be true to yourself which means sitting with the emotions you don't want to feel. If you can...